Moving on...this one will make you smile I promise!!

FOR FULL SENSE OF HUMOR EFFECT, READ THIS AS IF A STAND-UP COMEDIAN IS RECITING IT...


Hi doston, purana blog post ne to bahut rulaya...puri family ne mil kar rulaya (referring to Dad's comments specifically). But, I felt much better after writing that post and the love I got from everyone...I am so glad I did it :)


But today, its time to talk about me deciding to "move on"...yes this post is all about my first few days after thinking about taking next steps to move on. Jaise hi ye socha, I started feeling 10 years younger. Fir se "Rahul" mein SRK ka bhoot ghus gaya, RHTDM ka tune fir se dimaag mein ghoomne laga ;) But the big question was how to move on, jitni ladkiyon ko jaanta hun sab to married hain, kya karein, kidhar jaayen. Tab jaake idea aaya ki profile banaya jaaye in shaadi.com and eharmony (yahan ka serious waala dating site).


...pehle aate hain shaadi.com pe:

- Not exaggerating, I had to open my resume to fill the form...mera itna information to PwC ke paas bhi nahi hai ;) Indians chaand mein pahunchne mein world record bana dein lekin is cheez mein to 12 saal mein wahin ke wahin hai...all that matters is kahan se engineering, kitna marks, kahan distinction...kasam se mujhe form bharte bharte 4-5 baar "Aal izz well, Aal izz well" bolna pada!!! Somehow finished it....phewww, tab jaake paisa maanga, wo bhi pay kiya, finally jaake bandiyon ka profile dikha...finally!

- Bhaiya, idhar to gadar macha hua hai...ab samajh mein aaya kyun itna detail maanga...saare bandiyon ke bhi profiles mein bas yahi details....kaun sa college, kitna marks, bhaiya ne IIM se MBA kiya, chacha ne Oxford mein lecture diya...working as Senior Manager in MnC blah blah blah...waapas se 3 idiots ka "life is a race" dialogue kaano mein goonjhne laga and fir se Priya Sinha ki bahut yaad aane lagi :D:D; hum aisehi thik hain, kahan phir se ye sab ab 40 saal mein, ab na hoga bhai itna......but MBA dimaag lagaya and maine socha ki how to differentiate here....so maine apne profile description mein first line likha - "Proud single dad of my 10 year old son"; tennis, travel, yehi sab likha; and mentioned ki resume dekhna hai to ye raha Linked In ka profile, idhar dekh le.

Fir next step - browse karte karte I started clicking on invitation to the profiles (to start conversing). Pehla response aaya - "Can you please share your birth details for astro match"....ye ek divorcee ne poocha....to bhai pehle waale mein nahi milaya tha kya, wo to toot gaya....fir bhi dimaag mein nahi ghusa....matlab ek baar baat tak nahi hua and inko birth details chahiye. Idhar compatibility, emotional connection - ye sab ki to koi baat hi nahi karta, bas baat hota hai to materialistic cheezon ki; and US special - this is actually mentioned in a lot of profiles "Only Permanent Resident and Citizens please, no student or H1B visa". 1 din pehle tak mujhe lagta tha ki jab "move on" karna hoga to kar lenge.....is Rahul ko uski Anjali mil jayegi kahin na kahin to......but itna bhi easy nahi hai, lagta hai Rahul zindagi bhar Raj Aryan hi bana rahega, uski Aishwarya Rai beech beech mein sapne mein dikhte rahegi bas...!!!!

- Ab aate hain "Marital Status" pe
- Sabse upar aata hai "Never Married". Understandably so...in logon ka "Partner Preference" (jiske basis pe matches aate hain) bahut narrow and ekdum cream waala hai. Idhar apna koi chance nahi and to be honest, mujhe koi "Never Married" bandi se wo level of connection kabhi nahi ho payega (did I hear anyone say "Angoor Khatte Hain", haha.
- Fir aata hai "Divorced with no child", "Divorced with child but not living together", "Divorced with child and living together" in that order
- Last mein aata hain "Widower with no child", "Widower with child living together" in that order. Life mein kuchh bhi aasani se nahi milta....poora engineering and MBA entrance ke liye "General" category (kabhi koi reservation nahi), sabse tough....then US aaye in H1B visa and Priya in H4 - struggle hi struggle....and ab isme bhi saala last waala status....uffff!!


- Ek event hota hai weekly: Shaadi Live (for 1 hour) and jitne bandiyon se baat karna hai 5 min ka video chat allowed hai (like speed dating concept), to matlab idhar aap ek pen paper leke baitho, and jaldi jaldi notes banao....maine kabhi join bhi nahi kiya kyunki mere hisaab se ye to poora counter-intuitive hai, humein purana Aamir Khan style ek baar mein ek movie with dedication karna hai, yahaan to poora Akshay Kumar chal raha hai, lolzzz...logon ka ek basic need to kaise encash karna hai ye shaadi.com waalon se poocho aap - mujhe actually inke BA team se milna hai and inke internal "requirements gathering" session mein baithna hai ek baar, will be interesting to listen in!!

- Main ladkon ki profile nahi dekh paata (abhi itna advance nahi hua hai shaadi.com :D) to ye suno, ek bandi se baat ho rahi thi to usne bataya ki ek ladka ke profile mein ye bhi tha - "meri rotiyan gol gol banti hain" :D:D:D:D...arre baap re hanste hanste lotpot...."gol gol rotiyan" wo bhi ladka ne lika (kasam se ye sun-ne ke baad mujhe ab thoda confidence aaya hai) :D:D

- Ab to aisa ho gaya hai ki kisi "prospect" bandi ko invite do aur wo accept kar le to "prospect" client ko project bechne se zyaada bada achievement lagta hai!!

- Abhi to bahut cheez aur hai jo likha nahi....you can filter out profiles based on manglik/ non-manglik, caste/sub-caste, profession/ industry, what-not: iske details pe ek poora training manual ban sakta hai!!!

- Last thing on shaadi.com; sometimes you revisit a profile and see its deleted......seeing that it seems that the profile is saying on your face - "mera to placement ho gaya, main chali idhar se, apna dekh lo" haha!!!


ab aate hain eharmony pe:

- Ye poora profile based hai, initial list of questions 100 times more than shaadi.com. This is like company ke training mein personality test dete hain na, something like that but way more questions...you wont believe picture questions - select the geometrical shape that you spontaneously relate to (sochne ka time nahi hai); and situation based questions like party mein girlfriend ke dress pe coffee gir gaya to how will you react and choose options...and options something like "price tag of 3 idiots" type response :P:P:P or calm/ cool like Dhoni types..

- Aadha ghanta baith ke answer kiya to aata hai "Congratulations, you are 10% done", mera na sahi mein sab websites milke "chamatkar pe chamatkar" (again, 3 idiots context) kar denge.

- Abhi aage suno, itna sab karke do ye test and submit karo apna profile, then they match with bandiyon ka profile; agar kisi ke saath 100 se zyaada match score aata hai to bahut achha match maante hain like 36/36 gun mil gaye types!! To mera bas ek bandi se aaya 112 ka score (ekdum ram sita waala jodi), and wo ladki hai yahan ki mast single piece mein slim sataka blonde gori 33 saal ki, 5'9" height waali, poora model types.....now imagine that main isko jaake message karun - "Hey sexy, hamara personality compatibility score 112 aaya hai, aati kya khandala!!!" :):):):D omg.......socho wo ladki kisi nail spa mein happily apna nail art kara rahi hogi and usko notification aaya hoga - "You have a 112 score match, congrats", wo bechari kood ke dekhi hogi......just imagine.....main uske jagah rahun to sue kar dun e-harmony ko lolzzzzzz.....hahahaha......omg......But coming back to me, achha waala kat gaya yahan bhi paisa daal ke....Priya ko to sabse zyaada gus-sa isi baat pe aata - ki paisa kyun barbaad kiya, free waala dekho jitna khandala lonavala karna hai udhar karo lolzzzz hahahaha!


To doston, baat ye hai ki after my last "heavy" blog, this was an attempt to cool down, bring smiles again and annouce that Rahul Nishit is back in the market - After all, men will be men...haha!!